Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (1972)

Aaaaaaaaaand three months later...

Woody Allen's fourth film is what seems to be an extremely loose adaptation of Dr. David Reuben's book of the same name. I've never read the book, but a little research will tell you that it was one of the first, and most popular, sex manuals. Now, again, I've never read the book, but I'd have a hard time believing someone if they told me a non-fiction book deemed a sex manual is at all comedic. Allen's film, on the other hand, is entirely comedic. His intent very well may have been to satirize and poke fun at the notion of understanding sexuality scientifically. After all, it seems a tad bit ridiculous to break down the most intimate act two human beings can share by defining the actions in cold, lifeless terms. Also, sex is fun. Reading about sex scientifically is not. Educational and informative? Sure. Fun? No chance. There’s also the notion of how far-fetched it is for there to be one be-all, end-all sex manual. The film goes to great lengths to show how many different ways each question can be answered. Granted, the answers the film provides are mostly silly, but still insightful. There are so many possibilities when studying sexuality, and so many variables within every person, that the very idea of a sex manual is preposterous. Of course, maybe I'm entirely off-base with this assumption and Reuben's book is the definitive text on the subject and a hoot to read. Either way, on to Allen's cinematic version.

I've mentioned in at least one of my previous write-ups that Allen seems to have a gift for sketch comedy. Take the Money and Run and Bananas both contain elements of sketch comedy. With Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) (which, heretofore, will be referred to as Everything... because I refuse to constantly type out that long ass title), Allen played to his strengths and made a film based almost exclusively on sketch comedy. The movie consists of seven separate, unrelated vignettes. Each vignette "attempts" to answer a question about, you guessed it, sex. These "attempts" all serve to either cleverly satirize or outright mock their respective question. It's tough to talk about the movie without breaking down each individual skit, as there is nothing relating the questions or skits other than pointing out how silly it is to attempt to answer these questions in the first place. So, here are a few thoughts on each skit, in order:

1. Do Aphrodisiacs Work?

An unfunny court jester (Allen) gives a love potion to his kingdom's Queen (Lynn Redgrave). What ensues is a comedy of errors with a few clever allusions to Shakespeare, specifically Hamlet. The aphrodisiac works on the Queen, but the jester is denied by her chastity belt. The belt serves as an obvious (which is a good thing in comedy) metaphor for the antiquated attitude towards sexuality prevalent at the time the film was made. This skit has a clever premise, it just isn't all that funny. The jokes are a little too slapstick-y.

2. What is Sodomy?

A doctor played by none other than Gene Wilder falls in love with a sheep. Apparently, that's sodomy. Thanks for the heads up, Woody. Wilder is pretty funny in the part, especially early on when he gets a chance to show off his incredibly expressive facial mannerisms. This skit is more ridiculous than anything else, although it is pretty funny. It drags a bit towards the end, and once we realize that the sheep is a stand-in for a typical relationship doomed by cheating, the skit has more than run its course.

3. Why Do Some Women Have Trouble Reaching an Orgasm?

A distanced bride can only achieve an orgasm by having sex in public (Allen’s send up of Italian films). More so than the plot of the skit, the details make up the highlights of this one. Spacious, empty rooms, outfits devoid of color, berets, and sunglasses are all used to poke a little fun at the often criticized "cold" Italian cinema. This one is obviously a slight satire, although, again, it isn't all that funny. A few surprising lines of dialogue comprise the majority of the laughs.

4. Are Transvestites Homosexuals?

A married man and his wife attend dinner at the home of their future in-laws. The man has a penchant for cross-dressing, unbeknownst to everyone else. He excuses himself to go to the bathroom, stumbles into the couple's bedroom, and well, you get the picture. The question is twisted around and takes a look at how both transvestites and homosexuals must (or feel they must) similarly hide that part of their respective lives. It's pretty clever stuff, and funny.

5. What Are Sex Perverts?

Panelists attempt to guess the perversion of the in studio guest in this parody of the 50s and 60s game show What's My Line?. The skit is concerned with our obsession with perversions and the exploitative nature of television. What's more perverted, the actual perverts and whatever perversions they have, or those who relish learning about perverts and their perversions? Is that not perverted? This one is fairly funny, as the panelists ask such questions as, "Are you a rapist?" seriously. It's a bit uncomfortable, but still funny. This is probably the harshest and darkest of all the skits (not that it's all that dark). The segment at the end really brings home the comment on how television is wrongly used.

6. Are the Findings of Doctors and Clinics Who Do Sexual Research and Experiments Accurate?

Allen is a sex researcher on his way to collaborate with a well-regarded sex doctor (John Carradine), who turns out to be a mad scientist. Along the way he picks up Helen (Heather MacRae), a journalist on her way to write a story on the doctor. The two see a lot of things they shouldn't, realize the doctor is insane, and end up being chased by a gigantic breast. The skit is essentially a mini comedic horror movie that doubles as an homage to the horror films of the 50s. There's no real point this vignette is making, unless we're to believe this is how Allen views the so-called "sex experts". Either way, this one is mostly just a fun time.

7. What Happens During Ejaculation?

Taking place entirely within the body of a man during the lead up to, and participation in, a sexual encounter, this vignette is the highlight of the film. It hilariously depicts the complex relationship between the various organs and systems in the human body. It does an excellent job of showing just how complicated sexuality really is while still remaining funny. The skit is smart, funny, and a very pointed comment at the ridiculousness of studying sex scientifically.

Aside from the seven vignettes, I should also mention the opening and closing credits. Set to images of a group of white bunny rabbits and Cole Porter's Let's Misbehave, Allen makes a promise to his audience that he delivers on in spades.

All in all, the film is a success. It manages to stay funny while taking a tongue-in-cheek look at the scientific study of sex. This is conceptual comedy infused with slapstick. It's the next step in Allen's evolution as a writer and performer, as Bananas was similar but not as well-developed. The film, while not a great one, marks Allen's first foray into real substance. Sure, it's still an overall silly film, but it is one that at least attempts to give an audience something other than laughs.